


Oh My Jashin-sama!

by DeathGlobalZone



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Naruto
Genre: Akatsuki - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark! Harry, Emotionless Harry, Hidan is a psycho puppy, Hidan pines after Harry, I don't really know where im going with this but its gonna be great, I only have the drive to write this when sleep deprived or dunk or high or all of the above, M/M, Master of Death, Master of Death Harry Potter, Naruto is more open to killing people, SPOILER:, Smart Harry Potter, obviously, smart naruto
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-24 16:14:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4926415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathGlobalZone/pseuds/DeathGlobalZone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry always thought that, after he died, he'd be leaving a family behind. Instead, he's emotionally stunted and is thrust into this new adventure, in this strange new world, with strange new people.</p><p>Especially this weird albino man.</p><p>Just who the hell is he and why does he keep calling Harry 'Jashin-sama'?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**XxXx Oh my Jashin-sama! xXxX**

As Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, walked among the wreckage of Hogwarts, he reflected back on his life. A life of pain, neglect, and almost endless violence.

He wandered, unseen, among his old friends and surrogate-family and the remaining students and staff of Hogwarts. They were all clustered around a body- his body- crying.

Oh yes, Voldemort, the Dark Lord was dead, but so was Harry.

Obviously.

The non-stop apparating, the abysmal hygiene, not eating for sometimes days on end, no sufficient rest, then fighting the Dark Lord all added up to heart failure. The constant stress from the three years before hand certainly didn’t help either, what, with being dragged back and forth from being the poster child of the ministry to some crazed, attention seeking psychopath, how could Harry expect anything different? Just when things seemed to have been going good, Life decides to fuck him right up the ass.

No lube, just dildo.

Or dick, Harry didn’t know what Life had between they’re legs, but he wasn’t about to ask, wasn’t his business.

A skeletal hand was put on Harry’s shoulder as he stared blankly down at his body- when did he get so thin, he was almost a skeleton himself- and he looked over at Death, who lead him away from his body and into the Realm of Death. Well, time for the ‘Next Great Adventure’, neh?

**XxXxX Somewhere in the Hidden Countries XxXxX**

The pale, albino man finished up his prayers, opening his eyes and grinning maniacally. “Oh, Jashin-sama!” he calls to the heavens, his taller, masked partner glaring at the albino.

“What is it this time, Hidan?” the man asks in a gravely, deep voice, rolling his bi-colored eyes at his partner.

“Shut up, bastard!” Hidan shouts, glaring. “Jashin-sama has blessed me with a vision from Him!”

“Are you sure it wasn’t a delusion from blood-loss?” Growling, Hidan scowls at Kakuzu, purple eyes flashing, the blood on his face making him look criminally insane.

But that might just be because he was, in fact, criminally insane.

“I would never mistake a delusion for a gift from Jashin-sama, shit face!” the Jashinist un-impales himself and gets off the ground with a grunt.

His grin returns. “Jashin-sama is coming, asshole, and The Judgement will begin!~” Laughter echos over the empty plains, and even the battle-hardened athiest shivered and prayed that it _just wasn’t true_.

**XxXxX One Year Later XxXxX**

This wasn’t an adventure.

Harry sighs, staring at nothing. The past year or so had been alright, if little more than one big hospital stay. He was no longer emaciated, but still rather thin, something he’d never be able to fix because of being starved from ages five to eleven, then every summer since Hogwarts started. Instead, he had filled out ever so slightly, enough that he couldn’t count his ribs. In addition, Harry was slightly muscled and had grown an inch or so, now reaching the height of five foot six. His skin was pale as porcelain, made paler by his wavy black hair that brushed his collar bone.His cheekbones were high and his vivid green eyes pupil-less and unfathomable in death. But, it wasn’t death, not really. Harry still breathed, still got hungry and tired and thirsty. So, he wasn’t dead, but his existence was empty, meaningless, expressionless. There had been no adventure, but…

There has been mystery.

Over the past year, several times a burst of… something had washed over him, at least once or twice a week. It was an emotion, for sure, but the Realm of Death muted feelings. Harry felt curiosity, and slight fear, as the only other time this happened was when Voldemort was feeling very intense emotions. Harry was sure Death knew, and felt… frustration? At least, he thought it was frustration. It was hard to tell. Either way, whenever he asked the trice-damned immortal, they would laugh at him, as there was no such thing as being a ‘Master’ of Death. You cannot control something so deviant and strange and true. Death can grant you immortality or release, but you are not it’s Master.

Eventually, Harry marched up to Death and said “I need to find out what, exactly, is going on. Will you help me, at least?”

Death smiled (a truly horrifying thing). “Of course, young master.” Death says mockingly. Harry grimaces, slightly annoyed. These emotions, especially negative ones, have been coming more and more frequently lately, which was disorienting after months of an emotionless void. It was… comforting in a way, if that makes sense. Better to feel something than nothing, right? “ I can transport you to the world these- emotions, wasn’t it?- are coming from, and give you knowledge of the language. Are you ready?”

“Now?”

“Yes.”

“Alright.”

And, with that, the monochromatic background blurred and faded, giving way to a multitude of colors he had forgotten even existed. “Lovely…” Harry whispers, closing his eyes

**XxXxX Konoha Eight years after the Kyuubi Attack XxXxX**

Naruto ran into yet another alleyway as the angry mob followed, howling for his blood. ‘Crap,’ He thinks, running into a dead end, blood running down his face and into his cerulean orbs. The villagers had already caught him once, and Naruto had barely escaped. The young child collapses against the wall, vision going hazy as the mob grew closer and closer. Then, a flash of light lit up the alleyway, revealing a young man in the finery of a noble man, with the black darker than night, darker than even death, and such stormy grays that Naruto could almost feel the winds and rain on his face.

The colors keep swirling, showing the tormented faces of the damned. However, the most noticeable thing about him was the aura of death that surrounded his slim form. The young man straightened up, emerald eyes empty and cold, black hair falling down to his shoulders in waves. As he surveyed the alleyway, the god (for what else could he be?) caught sight of Naruto and glared at the villagers, previously empty eyes becoming filled with a toxic fire.

**XxXxX**

Catching sight of the beaten young blond cowering in the shadows, Harry is hit full force with an emotion for the first time in a long time. It was anger, with empathy as a faint undertone. The mob had stopped, as time had frozen the instant he had entered the alley, so Harry turned towards the young boy, reigning in his temper.

“What’s your name, young one?” Harry asks gently.

“U-Uzumaki N-Naruto, sir.” He stutters. Harry smiles without warmth, the boy was a mess, but at least he was making progress.

“My name is Harry,” the wizard responds.“Did they do this too you, Naruto-kun? Don’t be scared to tell the truth.”

“… Y-yes, sir.”

“Do you want me to hurt them for you, Naruto-kun?” Naruto freezes, uncertain. Did he want to hurt the villagers? ‘Well,’ the beaten boy thinks ‘, I’ve never done anything to them. Why do they hate me? They just do… Why do they hurt me? Theyhave no right to hurt me, I’ve done nothing to them.’

“Yes, Harry-san,” he responds without stuttering. Harry smiles again, this time more coldly, like a knife’s edge.

“Will do, Naruto-kun.” With that, time resumes, and the villagers continue to run before stopping, finally catching sight of the imposing figure Harry made.

“D-demon…” one says, backing away. Harry chuckles without humor, bloodlust rolling off of him in waves.

“Oh no,” he chuckles, remembering he enjoyed the feeling of laughter, “I’m much worse.” With that, Harry raises his hand and his fingers twitch, and all the villagers let out blood-curdling screams as their arms and legs twist in the wrong direction, bones breaking and bursting through the skin. In no time, the trash-strewn ground was soaked with blood, the air saturated with screams and the over-whelming sent of blood. As the screams dwindle into whimpers and moans, Harry turns to Naruto, who was frozen against the wall in fear and… awe?

“Wow, Harry-san, that was so cool! How did you do that! You just raised your arm and-“

“Ah, Naruto-kun, now’s not the time for questions, as people will start arriving very soon, and they’ll likely blame you.” Harry cuts in quickly, aware of the masked beings quickly approaching. “How would you like to come with me?” “What do you mean, mister?” Naruto cocks his head to the side, even as his mind begs him to close his eyes and sleep. Seeing this, the wizard kneels down and gently takes Narutos’ face into his marble-like hands, softly stroking his cheeks. “I mean live with me, Naruto-kun. I’ll teach you, train you, so you can so that you can defend yourself against people who would want to husrt you, like I did.”

“Really, Harry-san? Do you really mean it?” Chuckling, Harry nods and takes Naruto into his arms, dissolving into the shadows, his shark-like smile and eerie, glowing eyes, for the ANBU to see, finally arriving at the alleyway as the last of the villagers give their dying breath. New faces now adorn Harrys’ clothes.

His adventure was finally beginning.

**XxXxX Akatsuki Hideout XxXxX**

Hidan feels a pulse, seductive and dark and powerful, stinking of blood and pain, and grins. “Jashin-sama,” he breathes, interrupting Kakuzu, who was giving a budget report to Pein during a meeting with the rest of the Akatsuki present.

“What was that, Hidan?” Pein asks, raising an eyebrow.

Hidans’ grin broadens to the point of insanity, and yells “Jashin-sama has risen, fuckers! The Judgement has begun!” The albino trails off into maniacal laughter, and they all shiver.

Kakuzu curses.

_“Fuck.”_

**XxXxX End Chapter One XxXxX**


	2. CHapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry finds out just a little more about our favvorite little blonde child

**XxXxXx Oh My Jashin-Sama xXxXxX**

Harry pursed his lips and raised an eyebrow.

Well then.

This _just might_ complicate matters.

As Harry stared down the enormous fox, merely a few feet away on the other side of the bars, Naruto was looking around his dank mindscape in wonder. “Ne, ne, Harry-san? Where are we?” he asked, tugging on the immortals’ hand.

Finally breaking eye contact with the fox, Harry looks down at Naruto with a slight up-turn of the lips. “We’re in your mindscape, Naruto-kun.”

“What’s a scindmape?” Naruto aks, crinkling his nose when he couldn’t get ‘mindscape’ out correctly.

“Mindscape, Naruto-kun. A mindscape is the representation of your mind, normally somewhere you would feel safe.” _‘And it’s concerning that yours is a sewer, Naruto-kun.’_

“Oh…” Naruto grows quiet and shifts nervously, tugging at the hem of his shirt, glancing away from Harry for a brief moment.

“We can talk about it later, Naruto-kun,” Harry says, looking back at the fox, which had been growing impatient with the two people in front of him. “I think the more pressing problem is why, exactly, you have a nine-tailed fox in your head.”

 **“Well, that has an easy answer,”** the fox rumbles, shifting into a more comfortable position in his small cage. **“I was sealed in here by the Fourth Hokage.”**

Harry conjures up a pair of plushy arm chairs and a table with a tea set on it. Sitting down and pouring both he and Naruto some hot chocolate from the tea pot, Harry leans back with an expectant look on his face, delicately holding his tea cup and saucer. Naruto, himself, plops down crisscross into his chair and grabs his own tea cup of hot chocolate, looking at the steaming liquid in wonder.

What? Hot chocolate is better than tea sometimes.

“Why, exactly, were you sealed into Naruto-kun?” Harry asks, sipping from his cup.

 **”Because of who his mother is, and what that BLASTED Uchiha made me do,”** the fox scowls and bears his teeth, making Naruto jump ever so slightly.

Scowling himself, Harry glares at the fox. “Do try to keep yourself _contained_ , Mr. Fox.” Harry smiles mockingly at the demon, who glared at his word choice. “Can you tell us any more details? I would imagine that the seal that’s keeping you inside Naruto-kun would also have something from revealing too much.”

 **”That would be correct. I can’t reveal his mother, his father, or the Fourth Hokage’s identity; I can’t even give the gaki hints.”** The fox nods in acquiescence. **“However, I can reveal that the current hokage knows that I am here. He witnessed the birth."** The fox gave a smirk, sounding smug.

“WHAT?!” Naruto yells, standing up from his chair, where he had been absently listening to the conversation between the two older beings in the mindscape with him. His eyes were wide and his mouth agape before his shock turned to ange and he started to gesture wildly with his tea cup, hot chocolate sloshing out the sides. “Why would jiji not tell me something like this? Isn’t having a giant fuzzball in my head important?”

As Naruto ranted on , Harry sipped his hot chocolate and narrowed his eyes. _‘Sounds like Dumbledore… Purposely keeping important information from the person it pertains to, and leaving them to be neglected and abused._ ’

The fox looked indignant at being called a fuzzball. **“I have a name, you know,”** he mumbles.

”Telling us would be nice,” Harry replies blithely as Naruto finally calms down enough to sit back down in his chair, still grumbling, arms crossed and pouting.

Basically, it was adorable.

His lips twitching, Harry turns back to the giant fox. “So, Mr. Fox, what is your name?”

**“My title is Kyuubi no Yoko, or Kyuubi no Kitsune. Just call me Kyuubi.”**

“So you’re name isn’t Kyuubi?”

 **“Hell no! What kind of name is Kyuubi, anyways?!”** Kyuubi says, incredulous.

“Language, Kyuubi. Naruto-kun is still a child.” Harry admonishes, frowning.

“I’m not a kid! I’m eight!” Naruto exclaims, waving his arms wildly.

“Naruto-kun is still a child,” Harry repeats, as if not hearing Naruto, who pouts.

Grumbling, the fox shifts again. **”Well, then, little godling, what about you? What’s your story?”**

Harry sighs as Naruto and Kyuubi focus on him intently. Putting down his empty cup, Harry leans forward and steeples his fingers. ’How to go about this… I suppose I’ll just be blunt.’ “I died.” He starts, and Naruto reacts wildly.

“Y-you’re a ghost?!” he exclaims, paling drastically.

“Not really,” Harry says blithely. “I died, but I came back to life.”

“How? Why?” Kyuubi asks, intrigued.

“When I was alive, there was a war going on. During this war, as I was the ‘leader’ of my side, I went on the run with my two best friends to find the keys to defeat the leader of our enemies.” Harry was going with the watered-down version of events, as they would be easier than going fully into detail. “During this time, I found three objects that were created by Death themselves, or so the legend goes. If one became the owner of all three artifacts, then they would become the ‘master’ of Death.”

“So you’re the Master of Death?” Naruto shouts, excited. “So you’ll never die again, and can totally kill anyone you want?”

“Yes,” Harry says “,I am immortal, and could command Death to kill whomever I want. But,” here, Deaths Master looks at Naruto very seriously, “It is an empty existence. As an immortal, I cannot form connections as I’ll outlive any lovers, any friends I may make in the mortal realm.” Naruto’s excited expression melts off his face, and he looks at Harry with sadness and trepidation.

“So… so you don’t care about me?”

“Naruto-kun,” Harry rushes to say, “Of course I care about you.”

“But I’ll die and you’ll outlive me, Harry-san!”

Thinking for a moment, Harry calms the blonde child down with just a few words. “You’re different, Naruto-kun. I have a feeling you’ll turn this world on its head.” Naruto settles back once more, happy that his new friend thought so highly of him. Entering back into his story, Harry resumes talking. “After defeating the other side, I died of a heart attack. Death came to take me away, and for a year I lived with them, which is so strange to hear out loud. During this year, I lost emotion, which is easy enough to realize and admit, as before I was a very expressive young man. However, during the last few months, bursts of foreign feelings have come to me. Death sent me here to find out why."

 **“Is that all?”** Kyuubi asks, head tilted to the side slightly.

“Yes.”

“So, when’re we going on our adventure, Harry-san?” Naruto asks excitedly, bouncing up and down in his seat, blue eyes alight. Harry sighs, almost sadly.

“I can’t take you with me, Naruto-kun.”

“Wh…what? But, but-“

“I know I promised, Naruto-kun, but that was before I learned of Kyuubi. If I took you now, my search would become that much harder as people would also be looking for you, and I don’t know how dangerous the source is. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m strong!” Naruto says, determined to go with Harry.

“Naruto-kun, you’re not strong enough, not yet. I’ll come back to visit on your birthday, and any time I can spare, but I refuse to take you with me now. Me promising you something I couldn’t stay true to was foolish of me.”

“Harry-san, I…”

“Naruto-kun-“

 **“Listen, gaki,”** the Kyuubi interrupts, scowling slightly. **“Harry-kun said yet, so you might be able to join him in the future. You’ll need to train to get stronger, and I’ll gladly take up the task if it’ll _shut the two of you up_.”**

“Really?” Harry and Naruto ask at the same time.

**“Yes.”**

“Okay, then.” Harry says, standing up. “I’ll be taking my leave then. But first,” he turns to Naruto and conjures up a pendant in the shape of the Deathly Hallows and hands it to the small child. “If you ever need help, whether the villagers are chasing you or Kyuubi doesn’t know something or you just want to talk or can’t sleep because of nightmares, whispers to this and either I or Death will come to you as soon as we can, but only call if you or Kyuubi can’t handle it yourselves, alright?” Nodding with teary eyes, Naruto launches himself at Harry for a hug and buries his face in the elder man’s stomach.

“Thank you, Harry-san! I-I promise! I’ll take good care of it, and no one will take it from me!”

“Naruto-kun,” Harry says gently, kneeling down and, after hesitating for a second, hugs the other back.

“Become strong for me, okay? And no one will be able to see the pendant unless you want them to, okay?” Nodding again, Naruto lets Harry go and rubs at his eyes. “You’ll have to lie to the shinobi who come to find you, Death will tell you the story you need to use.” Harry smiles at Naruto gently and nods to the Kyuubi before departing turning to go.

**"Harry-kun?"**

Turning back around, Harry looks quizzically and the demon.

**"How old were you when you died?"**

"..." Harry pauses, contemplating whether he should say or not. "I was seventeen, the war started whe I was fifteen." With those words, Harry finally leaves the mindscape as Naruto gives a watery smile and clutches his very first present to his chest. Naruto wakes up and the sewers of his mindscape fade to black and he wakes up to the watery light of a cold cave.

**XxXxXx A few days later xXxXxX**

Naruto sat in the Hokage’s office as Sarutobi Hiruzen stared at him, concerned.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Naruto-kun? That the rogue nin didn’t hurt you?” the Third asks, eyes moving from Naruto to the medical file the ANBU had given him from after Naruto’s recent kidnapping.

“Yes, Jiji, I’m sure,” Naruto chirps happily, swinging his legs. “Can I go now, jiji? I’ve missed a lot of school, and I need to catch up if I want to be Hokage!”

Chuckling, Sarutobi nods “Of course, Naruto-kun.” With that, Naruto skips out of the office and the old Hokage sighs, slumping slightly in his seat. Looking out the window as he takes a slow drag from his pipe, he frowns, considering.

 _‘I know that the ANBU reported a cell of rogue nin taking Naruto-kun away, but…’_ Standing up and pacing, the Third takes another couple drags from his pipe as he continues to think about the morning a few days ago.

**XxXxXx Flashback xXxXxX**

“Hokage-sama, we’ve found Uzumaki-kun in a cave approximately fifteen miles west and six miles north of the West Gate. He is currently en route with Duck and Sparrow.”

“Thank you, Hawk. Is there anything else?”

“Yes, Hokage-sama. When we arrived at the cave, there was evidence of three other people there, yet they were all gone. There was no resistance, nor any traps to hinder us in our retrieval.”

“Are you sure it is Naruto-kun?”

“Yes, Hokage-sama, I checked; there was a second chakra being released into his chakra coils.”

“Thank you, Hawk. Dismissed.”

**XxXxXx Flashback End xXxXxX**

_‘Why would they just leave Naruto-kun behind, and with hardly a scratch on him? Not that I’m unhappy that Naruto-kun is okay, but it is suspicious that they gave up so easily.’_

As Hiruzen walked around his office, he accidentally stepped on the cloth border of the tatami mat he kept there in case he needed a quick nap, or stayed in his office overnight. Freezing, Hiruzen stared at the omen and sighed.

 _‘I don’t normally believe in omens, but…’_ Once again, he makes his way to the window and stares out at the village, bustling with life in the late morning sun.

_‘Considering what’s happened…’_

Four black cats crossed in front of the window. He grimaces.

_‘… I fear for my village.’_

**XxXxXx End Chapter Two xXxXxX**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this! Now, chapters won't be up nearly this quickly normally because I've had the first chapter written for about two months and I just wrote this yesterday, chances are you won't be getting another update for at least a week (I'll try to have it done by next Monday). And sorry that Hidan isn't in this chapter, this one is basically just getting a lot of questions out of the way so I don't have to deal with them further down the line because I forgot to address them now. Please leave a review or kudos, and subscibe to my story if you like! -Toto  
>  Bad Omens:  
> Stepping on the cloth part of a tatami mat is bad luck  
> Black cats are bad luck  
> The number four brings misfortune  
> (All taken from Wikipidedia)


	3. Chapter 3

**XxXxXxX Oh My Jashin-sama! XxXxXxX**

**XxXxXx Three Weeks Later xXxXxX**

Grasping the straps on his backpack, Harry strode down the road at a steady pace, wiping the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. Since leaving Naruto a few weeks ago on the forest floor a few miles outside of Konoha, the wizard had changed from his kimono into black cargo pants and a dark grey t-shirt with a black trench coat over it. After spending so long in wizards robes, it was comforting to have something swishing around his ankles.

So far, the strange feelings had been coming with more and more frequency, and Harry had noticed that they seemed to grow stronger when he moved east, so that’s the direction he went. Then, naturally, it sort of went to shit because it changed directions.

Rapidly.

 _You have got to be kidding me._ Harry swore after it changed locations for the third time.

Currently, the young immortal was about one mile from a town at the edge of Wind and Earth Country. Stopping at the side of the road, Harry let his backpack hit the ground, throwing up a cloud of dust. He rummages through one of the pockets and pulls out an energy bar and his bottle of water.

A frown.

A few cooling charms later, a content sigh escapes the man.

Leaning against a tree whilst munching his snack, Harry sighs, happy for the short reprieve. He slumps down to the ground and closes his eyes. Reasoning that the source probably wouldn’t move too terribly much if he decided to take a nap, the ravenette put up a few Notice-Me-Not charms and some anti-theft wards, he falls asleep to the sounds of chirping birds and crickets.

**XxXxXx In Town xXxXxX**

Hidan growls beneath his breath while waiting for his partner to finish his business in that shit hole of a bar. What the albino man didn’t understand was why Kakuzu was taking so damn long. It’s been an hour already, how much time does it take to get some information from a bunch of seedy assholes in a seedy ass bar?

What made it worse was that the Jashinist could feel his God approaching him, searching for him, but whenever he so much as mentioned it, Kakuzu would hurry them along almost… fearfully? Well, he fucking should be, right?

The albino smirks, purple eyes glinting darkly. Oh, yes, the bastard would be shown up soon enough, The Judgment was on the horizon, and Jashin-sama would smite him and all the other heathens. A macabre grin stretches across his pale face. Hidan couldn’t wait.

Entertaining himself with violent fantasies of death and destruction made the time pass by much quicker.

At last; at long, long last, the tanned man exited the dank recesses of the bar and Hidan got up from his position against the wall of the alley. “Fucking finally,” he mumbles to himself, earning an irritated look from his taller partner.

Grumbling angrily to himself, Hidan was too busy cursing the man out to realize that he had actually left, and the Jashinist was left cursing thin air.

Kakuzu was walking, impatiently waiting for is idiot partner to catch up when he felt somebody. Somebody who was hidden nearby. Without hesitation , Kakuzu’s arm shot out, black threads twisting towards the tree to his left, promising death.

They connected, and there was the harsh sound of wood cracking and splintering; the tree moaned before crashing to the earth, a few splinters vainly holding onto the stump.

“Now, that was _incredibly_ uncalled for, sir.” A bland voice to his right commented.

The dark-skinned S-class shinobi whipped his head in the direction of the voice. The owner was a pale, raven-haired young man. He was short- at least, compared to him- reaching about five foot six in height. He had expressionless, emerald green eyes framed by thick and dark lashes. Dangling from the strangers pale column for a neck was a chain with a pendant-

Oh, dear _Kami-sama, no_.

“I was simply taking a nap. No need to attack. Or is that the custom around here?”A smile quirked on the mans’ face before disappearing.

A silence followed his words. “Who are you?”

Tilting his head to the side, almost bird-like, he responded. “A God, I suppose.”

“Is that so?” Kakuzu asked, near emotionless. However, things were clicking in his mind and the heart-stealer was slightly nervous. “So, you are immortal?”

“Never really tested it, but I believe so.”

Without further ado, Kakuzu sliced the young mans’ head clean off, head flying and body dropping to the floor as a fountain of red shot into the sky.

“That answers that question.” The shinobi continued to walk- at least, until he heard rustling behind him.

Slowly, absolutely dreading what he might see, Kakuzu turned around.

The headless corpse walked over to the head and picked it up before placing it back on the neck, the skin immediately sealing over the wound, leaving no scar.

“Yes, it certainly does. I thank you, but I do wish you had warned me.” The man says, jerking his head to the left, causing a loud crack to permeate through out the surrounding area.

Hidan chose that exact moment to show up and interrupt.

“Kakuzu, you damned old-timer, what the fuck was that for?!”

“Hidan.”

“I always knew you were a bastard, but fucking seriously- “

“Hidan?”

At the new voice, the albino man stopped mid-sentence and whirled around to face the owner of said voice. Eyes catching sight of the other, Hidan immediately froze before promptly prostrating himself on the ground.

“Jashin-sama!~”

“Um… what do you think you are doing? Please stand up.”

Hidan shoots back up to his feet, staring at the man-

No, not man. He stared at the beautiful, breath-taking, otherworldly creature in front of him was too enchanting to be a worthless mortal. The beautiful, breath-taking, otherworldly creature who was his God, his Lord, _his beloved Jashin-sama was right in front of him._ Hidan, needless to say, gaped like a fish.

That is, until he noticed the blood covering Him and the Old Bastard.

”Kakuzu! I swear, if you hurt Jashin-sama-“

“Oh, he didn’t hurt me.” ‘Jashin-sama’ interjected, brushing off his cloak before walking closer to the two men. “He actually helped me with a very important experiment. It was quite enlightening, really.”

_“W-what!?”_

“Oh, yes.” Taking a few steps closer, the raven peered closely at Hidan before reaching up and placing his hands on his face.

The albino was in absolute heaven.

_‘He’s touching me, Jashin-sama is touching me, fuck fuck fuck, what do I do, fuck-‘_

 The hands were suddenly pulling Hidan’s head down to be level with the others until they were face-to-face, noses nearly touching.

_‘What's going on, holy shit-‘_

“What was that name you called me, earlier?”

“J-Jashin-sama…?”

“Right, yes, that one. Is that what you wish to call me?" 

Hidan was finding it hard to think, his God’s scent invading his nose. He smelled of nature, of forests and misty mountains, of rain and the musky smell of damp earth. However, he also smelled of blood and death and decomposition, of absolute destruction. It was entirely _too_ intoxicating.

Slowly, sluggishly, the taller man nods.

“Alright, then.” Jashin nods and exhales lowly, hands dropping from Hidan’s face, pulling away to look at Kakuzu.

“I’m coming with you.”

**XxXxXx End Chapter Three xXxXxX**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww yiiisssss, third chapter. Only one of mine to make it this far! I think… Anyways, please leave a review, they make me want to write faster and give me some ideas.  
> And hell yeahh, Hidan and Harry finally meet! *jumps up and down*  
>  Also, please check out my other fanfiction, ‘What if…’ There’s only one chapter so far, and it’s hella short, but I’m currently working on the second one. Please point out any mistakes I have missed, I don’t have a beta, so I’m the only one proof-reading. Also


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the notes at the bottom of the chapter. They're v. important. I guess.

**XxXxX Oh My Jashin-sama! XxXxX**

As the unlikely trio of a bounty hunter, an immortal zealot, and an unnerving God of Destruction made their way down the roads at a casual pace, two of them were wrapped up in their own thoughts.

Kakuzu, the tallest of the three, was nervous- though he’d rather rip out four of his hearts and worship Kami-sama than admit that out loud. The reason said nuke-nin was nervous was walking just a few paces behind him, gleaming green eyes taking in the scenery and coat whipping about his ankles.

Kakuzu shuddered imperceptibly, glad that said man/God didn’t hold a grudge against him, what, with him cutting off the young mans’ head and all upon first meeting each other.

He would forever deny that the hand that briefly brushed his shoulder scared him and made him flinch violently.

“Excuse me, Kakuzu-san?”

It was… _him._

“Yes?” the dark-skinned man said gruffly, hiding his surprise and fear to the best of his ability.

So, pretty fucking well.

“Could you explain to me more about your organization?” the young-looking immortal asked politely, green eyes looking up at him curiously. “I would ask Hidan-san, but…” Those eyes flashed away from Kakuzu’s own bi-colored orbs to look over the shorter mans’ shoulder at the final member of the trio, who was caressing his cheeks with a dopey (see: insane) grin on his face, obviously not paying attention if the far-away look was anything to go by.

The tanned man nodded in acquiescence. “I cannot tell you everything, Leader-sama could better do so. However, in short, there are ten of us, and we all joined for our own reasons. However, the driving force behind our organization is to end all war in the world.”

“Ah. That seems like an honorable goal.” The pale man said, tilting his head a bit more to the side before looking forward again.

They continue on in slightly more comfortable silence until they reach a small tea-and-dango stand with cheap prices, where they decide to stop and eat (see: Harry looking at it in passing interest and Hidan demanding that they get something to eat, and Kakuzu not willing to have said albino man after his head.)

After a brief and quiet argument as to who would sit on the small bench, Harry was sitting next to Kakuzu, and due to the smallness of the bench and the hunter-nins large figure, the two were sitting with their thighs pressed up against each other. Harry didn’t seem to mind, Kakuzu was mildly uncomfortable, and Hidan was fuming.

_‘How dare he touch Jashin-sama! That bastard should be kneeling- no, groveling- at his feet!’_

Hidan was cut off from his internal tirade by the appearance of their food.

“I’ve never had dango before; you just eat it off the stick, yes?” Harry asks, studying his own, the glazed dumplings glistening enticingly.

Kakuzu looked at him strangely, did the man not grow up in the Hidden Countries? “Yes.”

“So it’s almost like a kebab…” the smallest of the group mumbles to himself, raising the dessert snack to his mouth and taking a bite. He freezes and looks ahead, not focusing on anything in particular, teeth still sunken into the dango. This action- or, rather, inaction- grabs the attention of Hidan and Kakuzu, both of whom grew concerned for different, yet similar (enough), reasons.

Hidan because he thought his god was displeased, and would be angry at his present disciple.

Kakuzu because he thought the green-eyed youth was displeased, would destroy the shop, and he (Kakuzu) would have to pay for the repairs.

“J-Jashin-sama…?” Hidan whispers hesitantly, terrified, ready to prostrate himself on the ground at the soonest sign of his wrath.

Those green eyes snap back into focus, and are filled with pleasure. Harry moans his approval of the sweet, swallowing the mouthful before taking another one and savoring it. His eyes close in bliss.

 _‘I forgot how good food can taste.’_ He ate in Death’s realm, sure, but it was akin to the sort of faire one would find at a Death Day party- moldy and tasteless. To have real food, flavored food, was something he had started to take for granted at Hogwarts after a few years there ,and with the Weasleys, and even on the horcrux hunt. Food had been scarce, the portions small and sometimes far between, but they had had flavor; whether it was earthy, or salty, or (if they were lucky enough to find eggs or wild fowl) savory. But it had been such a long time for Harry to taste anything sweet that wasn’t chocolate- for some reason, the only completely edible thing in death was chocolate, and while that’s good and all, one does tend to tire of it.

The two nuke-nin relax a bit, but they continue to stare at the immortal. His expression was one of total and complete bliss as he savored the treat, a bit of the glaze clinging to his lips. Hidan began to feel a little hot around the collar, his face heating up in a blush. He stared, entranced at the sight of this ethereal being enjoying something as simple as dango. The religious mans’ eyes greedily took in that face contorted with rapture, purple orbs trailing down to the soft lips covered in glaze. A pink tongue darted out of those lips, and licked up the remnants of the snack, and the disciple found his own pink appendage wetting his suddenly _very dry_ lips.

Kakuzu felt just plain uncomfortable being witness this, so he turned forward, took out his newspaper, and started reading, perfectly content to ignore the soft core porn happening right next to him… as long as no one else noticed it going on.

Harry opened his eyes and looked toward the empty plate and almost seemed to pout. Hidan thrust his own dango forward, eager to see that expression again, for just awhile longer. Gratefully (and slightly confused), Harry took the stick from Hidan and the process repeated.

The scythe- wielder watched the muscles in the finely chiseled jaw work as his lord, his Jashin-sama chewed. The small pinch between the thick, dark brows, the slightest up curve of those perfect, pale rose lips- _oh, there’s the tongue again_. It swipes left and right once, twice, three time before- _oh sweet holy fuck_. That plump bottom lip was sucked into the mouth and gently gnawed on, returning to sight red, lightly swollen, and glistening. Hidan almost groaned, but managed to control himself. Mechanically, he poured some of the sweet, cool peach tea into one of the small teacups that came with their snack and handed it to Harry, who took it gratefully.

It started with a small sip, but then turned into a deep draft. Some of the pale golden liquid escaped his mouth and snaked it’s way past the chin, curled its way over the pale column of a neck, before coming to pool in the hollows of the collarbones, which flared out so slightly, so gracefully, like a swan taking flight. Hidan wished idly, as he watched the Addams apple bob with each swallow, eyes flicking to look at the shallow pool of tea on the collar bone before the trail was wiped away, that he could come up with something that wasn’t so cliché it came out of a pre-teen romance novel, but he wasn’t an author for a reason.

(Okay, well, several reasons, but I digress.)

Soon ( _‘Too soon,’_ Hidan pouted), the dango was finished, the tea pot drained, and the God full. Clearing his throat loudly and shaking his newspaper a little too roughly, Kakuzu folded it up and tucked it away inside his cloak; which caused Hidan to start out of his stupor. The large, tanned man stood and his partner rose from his crouch, joints popping. Harry stood at last, the odd trio once again commenced their journey.

**XxXx A Few Days Later xXxX**

Kakuzu relished in the silence that sang through the cool, damp air like the sweet chirps of a nightingale at dusk. It rushed over him and awoke his senses, a small breeze teasing the hem of his cloak and the edge of his mask. For a moment, the straight-laced shinobi closed his eyes and inhaled deeply the scent of damp earth, briefly closing his eyes. Calmness flowed through him like a deep, steady river, and he realized he hadn’t experienced this sort of gentle quiet… ever, and he reveled in it. It was sharp and enticing, and he took in another deep breath.

He was relaxed.

His muscles immediately tensed, all calmness and relaxation evaporating like a puddle in Wind Country during the hot season when the silence was shattered by that man. And it wasn’t Hidan.

Oh, no.

It was ‘Jashin’.

“Kakuzu-san.”

He was starting to hate the sound of his name when said in that polite, distant voice. “Yes?”

Believe it or not, he was raised with manners. Sometimes, though, he just doesn’t care.

This was not one of those times.

“Where are we going? And where are we?” came the two innocently posed questions from the lips of the green-eyed devil himself.

It struck Kakuzu that Jashin had basically been following them blindly for the past week or so. ‘ _Is he… mentally challenged? Enormously trusting?’_ A bead of sweat somehow managed to form itself and run down his face, which was 85% covered.

What are physics. I’ve been awake for over 24 hours. I’m sorry.

 _'Enormously powerful?’_ Shaking his head slightly, Kakuzu shook himself out of his reverie and decided to answer the damn questions before thinking about his own. “We’re on our way to the Akatsuki base.”

“I figured as much,” Jashin admitted. “But I wanted to make sure I wasn’t in for any… surprises.”

Was that a threat? A calmly said, casual threat? Was Kakuzu reading too far into this? Fuck if I know, man, I’m tired as balls and on a sugar high. I can feel colors and smell sound.

Taking a deep breath, the larger man answered the second question. “As for where we are, we’re currently on the border of Rain and Earth Country.”

“Okay. Thank you, Kakuzu-san.”

Once again, there was silence. A few minutes later, it was broken again by the wizard.

“When do you expect to arrive?”

Studying the sun-dappled leaves above their heads, the heart-stealer thought for a moment. “If we continue at our current pace, I’d say we’d get there just before sundown.”

“Alright.”

This time, the silence lasted for the rest of their journey.

(Hidan was off in Lala land and seemed determined to stay there while on the road. Kakuzu was thankful for this. It seemed that his ‘God’ being around struck the zealot with a long bout of silence. In fact, the two Akatsuki members hadn’t fought since that day they stopped for dango, and even that ended without death threats. Kakuzu was waiting for the storm to break.)

The hunter-nin was glad that the raven-haired young man was not very talkative and only asked a few questions a day, seemingly content with contemplating their surroundings for hours on end. He once again takes a deep breath, and a small amount of his earlier calmness returns to him. He supposes that this was good enough.

**XxXx A Few Hours Later, Akatsuki Base, Amegakure xXxX**

Pein pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation, brows furrowed.

He was not having a good day.

Nagato was very in awe of Yahiko, who never once complained about the paper workload that had undoubtedly plagued him. Sparing a quiet moment for his dead friend (and thanking him for the use of his dead body as one of the Paths), the torch-haired body got back to work. At some point, Konan came in with a tray of tea and snacks, placing it on what little desk space he had. She placed a pale hand on Pein’s shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze, causing the man to smile in gratitude.

His other childhood friend leaves his office, and Pein pours himself a cup of the jasmine tea, sipping gently from it. Deciding to take a small break to enjoy his snack, the leader slumped against the back of his chair in a rare show of vulnerability. The teapot is nearly empty when there were two small chakra flares outside his door. Sitting up straight and putting down his cup, Pein flared his own chakra in response, granting permission to Kakuzu and Hidan to enter.

“Leader-sama,” came the rough voice of the heart-stealer, giving a short bow. Pein waits for Hidan to do his customary rude greeting of “Fucker-sama”, but it doesn’t come. He leans forward, so as to better see his fellow member, and notices the silver-haired man looked a million miles away.

“Hidan.” Nagato says, but he gets no response.

“Hidan.”

Nothing.

After already having a stressful, work-filled day, Pein uses his chakra to give Hidan a little nudge. And by a little, enough to send him sprawling about six feet away.

Spluttering, Hidan jumps back to his feet, cursing the air around him fifty shades of blue. “So nice of you to join us, Hidan.” Pein murmurs, somewhat amused but also curious; what could be on his followers mind? Still mumbling out curses, Hidan glared but did little else in reaction. Peins’ curiosity was quickly growing, he looked to Kakuzu in question. His curiosity turned into alarm at the nervous expression that appeared in the hunters eyes.

“Leader-sama,” he begins “we found Jashin.”

_What._

**XxXxXx End Chapter Four xXxXxX**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I wrote this after two consecutive all-nighters and about three bottles of cola. I decided that my breaks into the narrative were funny enough to stay there so *shrugs*. Also, weren't Hidans reactions funny? I just about died writing that, so I hope you appreciate it. Also, I'm considering hosting a livestream while I have time this summer. It could be me working on a new chapter or story, me playing a game such as Undertale or Yandere simulator, or a simple Q&A with me and my friend, who doesn't actually do anything for the story, she just bothers me sometimes to update. Leave what you want down in the comments below, and all updates regarding the livestream will be posted on my tumblr: write-global-zone


	5. Chapter Five

**XxXxXx Oh my Jashin-sama! xXxXxX**

Harry stared out the large window of the high-rise building he was in with awe. Amegakure was so different from the other cities he’d seen in this world. The majority of the buildings were made of metal, some of them with rust around the bolts, with many high-rises like the building he was in. Some were residential, some were office buildings or indoor markets, and the wizard was suddenly hit with a wave of homesickness for the muggle world, of all places.

In London, there were a lot of tall buildings and skyscrapers, and it rained every other day. Where he was nameless, just a face in the crowd. Where no one expected anything from him except to be your average teen. A bitter smile stretched across his face and he placed his fingers against the cool window, which began to fog up immediately. Harry brought his scarred forehead to the glass as he stared down at the streets below, the tiny people scurrying about and the blurs of the Shinobi.

He was brought from his reverie by slithers and petulant hissing.

_~… master, where is he? This building is cold, and I’m cold blooded, this doesn’t make any fucking sense what the fuck- Am I lost? I’m fucking lost, shit damn it all. What the hell am I supposed to do, I’ve done nothing to deserve this-~_

The owner of the voice was a medium-sized green and yellow snake, about a foot and a half long and maybe about an inch and a half thick at its middle. Its vibrant coloring was in a dappled pattern, and caused it to stick out like a sore thumb as it made its way down the corridor.

Kneeling down, Harry stuck out his hand. _~Well, what a dirty mouth for such a small one. Who is your master?~_

The small serpent stopped, then slithered closer curiously. _~What the fuck, you speak the serpent language. This is-this is- what. No. Impossible. You’re lying.~_

 _~How can I lie about a language I’m speaking?~_ The raven-haired young man replied, amused.

The snake seemed to consider this, tongue slipping in and out of its mouth in thought. _~I don’t know.~_

_~So, tell me… Do you have a name?~_

_~My master calls me Shiori.~_

_~Who’s is your master, Shiori?~_

_~Some asshole called Orochimaru. I hate him.~_

Harry chokes back a laugh, surprised that it even bubbled up in the first place. Picking up Shiori, who eagerly slithered up his arm and around his neck. _~Because he leaves you alone in cold corridors?~_

_~Basically.~_

Harry smiles and returns to staring out the window, idly stroking the brightly-colored snake’s head. Raindrops began to hit the window, pummeling the glass and blurring the shape of the buildings across the road, eventually erasing anything outside a distance of ten feet. The wizard continued in his contemplation of the virtually non-existent view of the outside world when he felt the presence of a person just a few feet behind him. He was about to turn around and reveal he knew the person was there, when his name was called.

“Jashin.”

At the sound of Kakuzu’s voice, Harry turns to face the tall man with a blithe smile on his face. The shorter enjoyed the man to an extent, yes, but there was something that rubbed the Master of Death the wrong way. The man’s greed, perhaps. Or how he acted like his peers did in school during his second, fifth, and even sixth years- skittish. As though Harry might blow at any moment.

Harry took pleasure in making this man squirm.

“Yes, Kakuzu-san?” Harry asks blithely, head tilted to the side.

“Leader-sama would like to speak with you. Please.”

“Of course.” And as with the days prior, Harry followed the deep-skinned man to a pair of slightly bigger than normal doors. The young man approved of the lack of opulence this leader had so far portrayed. He knocked, awaiting a ‘come in.’ As soon as he had permission to enter, the raven opened the door and walked inside, Shiori slipping under his collar. Kakuzu didn’t follow.

His emerald eyes came to rest upon a orange-haired man with many piercings. He was seated behind a desk piled high with papers, which was settled in front of a large window, giving an ample view of the inside of a white cloud. The room itself was sparse, with little in the way of decoration. There was a pale gray rug on which sat the desk and no extra chairs. The desk was mahogany. There was nothing on the walls except bookshelves filled to the brim with texts. The room itself was neither large nor small, and there was a small sleeping mat crammed into a corner.

It was clear to Harry that this was a very hard-working man, and he felt the slightest bit of hope that they would get along.

“You are Jashin?” the man asks, raising an eyebrow. He had been expecting someone more imposing, taller, broader, less…pretty. I mean, when you think “God of Destruction and Chaos”, a short young man with a pointed, gentle face and large eyes is hardly the picture that comes to mind. He doesn’t even look like he could hurt a fly, much less someone Hidan would worship!

“Yes. How do you do?” he asks, conjuring up a large, squishy arm chair that he immediately curls up in. Harry puts his head in his hand and leans his arm on the arm on the chair. He stares impassively at the orange-haired man.

Pein blinks at the sudden apparition of the chair. He had never seen one quite so… fluffy. “I’m doing alright, I suppose.”

“Wonderful.” The two men continue to stare at each other. The silence grows awkward.

“So, tell me,” Harry begins, shifting forward in his seat. “How exactly do you plan to bring about world peace?”

Pein leans back in his own seat, not liking how those green eyes were fixed on him. “By using the power of the nine jinchuriki.”

“Jinchuriki?”

“Those with the tailed beasts sealed inside them.”

“How?”

This God sure was curious.

“By taking the beast from them-“

The temperature of the room dropped, and Harry’s eyes glowed. “I’m afraid I’ll have to stop you right there.”

The shadows grew around Harry, and Pein could see his breath cloud in front of him while the window frosted over.

“You know,” the raven starts conversationally as his chair grew into something much more menacing and his traveling clothes turned back into his shadowy finery. “I actually happen to hold one of them near and dear to my heart. Care to guess which one?”

Pein shook his head as he shivered. Are dead bodies supposed to feel this cold?

“A one Uzumaki Naruto. The Nine-Tailed Fox.”

The faces in robes shifted and screamed their silent screams, clawing to get out. Death themselves began to appear in the room, behind the now throne-like chair the raven-haired man was sitting on.

Pein realized quite quickly the mistake he had made, especially in regards to believing himself a god. The Killing Intent radiating off of the pleasantly smiling young man before him was on an unbelievable level.

“You know what I think?” Harry continues on, tapping a long finger against his cheek. “I think that, perhaps instead of planning on raging a world-wide war, what about a neutral organization that helps nations negotiate treaties with each other? That seems much more cost-effective, don’t you agree? And if you don’t,” here, Harry narrows his eyes as a malicious smile adorns his face “I could make Yahiko’s stay in the afterlife rather… _unpleasant_.”

Panic flooded through Pein at that insinuation. Yahiko deserved a peaceful afterlife, and if the Shinigami was truly at the beck and call of the god sitting before him, then Pein would do anything for him. Madara had nothing on him.

“Of course. I agree completely.” It took all his years of experience as a shinobi to say those words coolly, without stuttering.

“Brilliant!”

Immediately, the temperature went back to normal and the smile on Jashin’s face seemed much more innocuous, making him all the more terrifying. “Now that business is done, do you think I could have a tour?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long and that it's so short, lmao. I'll try and get the next one up faster, but no promises. As always, let me know if you see a typo.Thanks! -Toto


	6. Chapter Six

**XxXxXx Oh My Jashin-sama! xXxXxX**

“… and here is our living room. Members, when not in their rooms or on missions, can be found here.” Pein was just finishing up the tour with the rather large and overall comfortable living room.

There were several soft chairs (none of them anywhere near the size or cushiness of the one Jashin had conjured) and couches, a thick rug over the metal floor, a large television and radio set, with many large bookshelves covering the walls. Each of them were also made of metal and cram-packed full of books and scrolls. Harry’s eyes swept over the empty room, lingering on the bookshelves and on the seemingly home-made curtains that outlined the windows. The curtains themselves were a dark warm brown with pale teal stripes. The rug was a deep indigo, and all the furniture was made of a dark wood with pale pink, dark blue, purple, and brown cushions. A large square coffee table also made of dark wood was in the middle of the room, and it had hinges on the top, presumably for storage. Harry guessed that there were movies or something within. There were home-knit blankets folded and piled into several wicker baskets placed strategically around the room. It was actually a rather cozy place.

The green eyed immortal strode over to caress one of the bookshelves, eyes drifting over the titles. “‘Human anatomy, Advanced Chakra Techniques, the Ultimate Bingo book for all Bounty Hunters, Make Out Paradise, The Gutsy Ninja, Painting and Etchings from all countries throughout the past 50 years’- What a colorful variety.” He mused to himself when Shiori slithered out of his collar to hiss at him.”

 _~What is this?~_ she asks, looking at the volumes in awe.

_~They’re called books.~_

_~What are… books?~_

Pein watched on as the two conversed in their sibilant secret language. He had seen many of Orochimaru’s snakes, even this one (though it was rare he summoned it), but never had they spoken to each other like this. Was the snake sanin unable to speak the snakes’ native tongue? That would be quite ironic if true. A corner of Peins lips curved up minutely as he remembered the tongue-lashing Jashin had received after… the incident.

**XxXxXx Flash Back xXxXxX**

Nagato blinked in surprise when the small snake emerged from Jashins’ collar, hissing at the god. He blinked again when said god hissed back, seeming to understand. He looked almost… apologetic?

_~You bastard! What the hell was that, making it get all cold and shit? Was I not just complaining about being left in cold-ass hallways?!~_

_~I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I was angry, and I’m sorry it affected you. I can assure that it was not directed toward you in any way… What can I do to make it up to you?~_ the man felt truly sorry, and raised a finger to gently pet the snakes head.

Shiori’s tongue flickered in and out as she thought, head pressing up against the digit. _~Beat up Orochimaru for me. Or at least convince him to let you be my master. I like you much more.~_

Harry lets out a chuckle. _~Of course. I abhor those who have no regard for someone else’s life.~_ His eyes narrowed a bit and Pein felt another shiver of fear glide down his back. He really hoped that they weren’t discussing him.

**XxXxXx Flash Back end xXxXxX**

“Jashin,” Nagato interrupts their conversation. “I apologize for the interruption, but would you like to find a room for you to sleep in? You must be tired after your journey.”

“Oh, I’m not tired, thank you though. However, I am a bit parched. I’ll just go to the kitchen for some water-“

“Please make yourself comfortable, I’ll go get it.” Pein strode as quickly as his pride would allow. He needed something to busy his hands so that they would perhaps stop shaking.

Harry watches the man leave, taken aback. Shiori slips back into his collar for a nap, and he is now alone. Looking back at the bookshelf, he grabs the art book and sits down in a corner of the room on a conjured plush chair by a window and lights a lamp. Settling down to read, he opens the hard cover and observes the colorful photographs, soon being lulled to sleep by the warmth and peace. Pein comes back in to see him dozing and sighs, pulling a side table over to the man and placing the glass on a stone coaster.

**XxXxXx With Naruto xXxXxX**

Naruto sat excitedly in his seat, twitching a bit. Mr. Fox had given him a crash course in reading and writing, and the boy had actually managed to finish his homework! He might not have done it very well, but he did his best. As Iruka-sensei walked by to collect papers, he bypassed Naruto without even looking at his desk.

“Ne ne, Iruka-sensei! I did my homework, dattebayo!” the blonde protested. The brown haired man turns around, slightly disbelieving. But when he saw the eight year olds scrawl on the paper, and his messy numbers, he smiled proudly and picked it up. Naruto beamed and got out some paper and pencils to take notes. Some kids were looking at him suspiciously, not trusting that he did the work himself, which was sort of true.

He only remembered vague facts, so Mr. Fox exasperatedly told him the information he needed to know, letting Naruto fill in the answers himself, cutting in to help with spelling and grammar. In all, in no way was it perfect, but it was better than nothing and worth at least a passing grade. The jinchuriki was actually a fairly good student, though whether that was simply because he actually wanted to learn or because he wanted to make Harry proud was an entirely different matter.

As the lecture started, Naruto paid rapt attention as he wrote down notes, occasionally zoning out and doodling before the Kyuubi reminds him to pay attention. The aspiring ninja are then given a section of their history book to read over for the next hour, and then they would take a test to see how well they understood. During this time, Iruka graded the homework he had just picked up. While grading Naruto’s, he was once again pleasantly surprised to see that he actually had a fundamental understanding of their past units on chakra, the first Shinobi War, and basic math. While his grammar wasn’t great, he had definitely earned himself a passing grade.

Throughout the past month, actually, Iruka was continuously surprised. Naruto seemed to have received a new sort of motivation for doing well in school, as he didn’t disrupt the class while they were reading, and had also done reasonably well on the quiz. There was then a twenty minute break for all the students to stretch and have a snack and talk with their friends, or ask questions on things that they didn’t understand.

Naruto happily talked with Shikamaru, Choji, and Kiba, who all wanted to know why he had suddenly decided to actually try.

“So, Naruto, what’s up with that?” Shikamaru asks, small and tired eyes looking at him as he leaned on his hand.

“Up with what?” the blonde replies, happily sharing a bag of chips with Choji.

“You never do the homework.”

The prankster smiled and scratched the back of his neck. “I just decided that if I wanna be Hokage, I gotta know stuff! Also, I wanna make him proud, so I gotta try my best!”

“Him? Who’s him?” Kiba asks, frowning a bit.

“Oh, Jiji! Old man Hokage, who else?” Naruto grinned nervously as he sweat slightly. ‘ _Crap! I almost let them know what really happened last month, ehehehe…’_

“Is it because of what happened last month?” Choji questions, swiftly finishing off the bag and crumbling it up. Kiba takes it and tosses it into the trashcan at the front of the room.

“Oh, u-uh yeah, dattebayo! Those ninja were super scary!” well, Kyuubi was scary, but he’s really just a big ball of fluff. A ball of fluff that was full of anger, but still.

“Okay, everyone back to their seats! We’ll be talking about the three basic jutsu today!”

**XxXxXx Akatsuki Base xXxXxX**

Harry was awoken by approaching voices. He groans and sits up straight, rubbing his face and knocking his glasses askew. He fixes them, and looks at the glass of water sweating beside him. He takes a sip, and feels the ice-cold water travel down his throat and into his stomach.

“… and this is the living room.” Instead of Pein giving the tour, it was a blue-haired woman with yellow-gold eyes. He remembered her name being Konan. She was leading around a tall blonde teenager with his hair in a ponytail. “Feel free to explore as you wish, as long as you don’t enter anyone’s room without their permission or bother the civilians.”

She had a nice voice, Harry decided. It was low for a woman, and soothing, if a bit monotone. Oh, well.

“Got it, un.”

The immortal, not wishing to be rude, greeted them both.

“Hello.”

Both shinobi turn to face him, the woman a bit more calm than the teen.

“Hello, Jashin-dono.”

“What the hell-“

Konan was now nowhere to be found, leaving the two men to get acquainted. Harry stands, brushing the wrinkles out of his trousers. “Hello. I am Jashin, it is a pleasure to meet you.” He then bows slightly, giving a small and bland smile.

The blonde man gapes for a second before introducing himself in turn. “U-uh, my name is Deidara, un. It’s nice to meet you too…?”

Harry sits back down and continues to slowly flip through the book, appreciating each piece of art and reading the descriptions. Deidara just stood there awkwardly before pulling a chair over to Harry’s window, sitting down himself and facing him.

“So… how long have you been a part of the akatsuki?”

“Oh, I’m not part of it… though, I suppose I could be called a… sponsor? Advisor? Those are not the right words, but it gets the point across, so it doesn’t really matter.”

Silence falls thickly between the two males, and the younger one twitches uncomfortably. That is, of course, until he sees exactly what the other one is reading.

“You like art, un?”

Harry looks up and tilts his head slightly, looking deeply into the powder-blue eyes outlined in thick black kohl. “

I suppose I do. I’m more of a casual admirer than anything.”

“Art is an explosion, un! You shouldn’t admire things that you can see again and again! Art should be new and fleeting every time-“

“I always heard art was an expression, or a means of communication. It has a different meaning to each individual person, and therefore there is no actual definition of ‘art’,” Said artists was stunned, mouth left open. “And I do not disagree with you, as I believe that ‘fleeting art’ holds incredible significance to you. However, I do believe that everyone has a right to their own opinions on certain subjects, including this one, and no one is allowed to tell you that you are wrong.”

They were then, once again, surrounded by silence, but it was not uncomfortable. In fact, it is actually a rather thoughtful one. Harry closes the book and sets it aside, leaning toward Deidara. “So, do you think you could tell me more about your art?”

The blonde teenagers face lit up at this opportunity, and went into a fervent monologue about his wonderful, wonderful explosions.

**XxXxXx End Chapter Six xXxXxX**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID MY BEST AND ACTUALLY WROTE IT ALL IN ALMOST ONE SITTING. Also, I uploaded this way faster than I thought I would lmao. Thank you for reading! -Toto


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup y’all! Once again, I’m sorry this took so long, but it’s also the first time I’ve updated a story three times in a calendar year, so I’m pretty proud about that lol (at least, I think so anyways).   
> Before we get started with the chapter, I just wanted to thank y’all so, so much for supporting me and my story for almost two years now, it’s incredibly humbling that it has gotten so big. I have one thing to ask you guys, and it’s to support me on Patreon. You don’t have to, but it would be greatly appreciated! I’ve wanted to be an author my entire life, and I would like to start treating my writing more like a job and less like a hobby now that I only have a year left of high school and I feel much more confident in my story telling abilities. My name on Patreon is the same as here, DeathGlobalZone.  
> Thank you very much for reading this far, now onto the chapter!

**XxXxXx Oh My Jashin-sama! xXxXxX**

Hidan cursed himself- why, he could kick himself! How could he fall asleep at a time like this? What if his God- dark and powerful and _beautiful_ \- needed him? Though, why would someone as all powerful as Him need a mortal beyond sacrifices?

_‘But He did ask that fucking miser all those questions… Why didn’t He- no! You do not question Jashin-sama or His decisions, you jackass!’_

The immortal kicked himself all the way down the hall and towards the kitchen, hoping to find Jashin-sama there.

**XxXxXxX**

Harry found himself delighted with the blond in front of him, as he was reminded so heavily of the Weasley twins. Deidara had all of their zest for life, their adoration of chaos, the faint smell of smoke they had from their experiments- and yet, he was also his own person. The Master of Death couldn’t quite place his finger on it, but as he watched the blonde gesticulate excitedly with his hands as he talked, all thoughts of his past life flew out of his head.

Gently, the raven-haired man takes one of Deidaras’ calloused hands in his own and turns it over, palm up. Frozen, the pyromaniac watches those pale fingers softly caress the area around his hand-mouth as a fiery blush burns his face.

“How strange…” Harry murmurs. Piercing emeralds meet pale blues. “How did you get these mouths on your hands?”

“I… I got them by stealing Kinjutsu from my village, Iwagakure, un.”

“Huh…” the black-haired man huffs out, completely mesmerized as he studies it. “Do they function like normal mouths? Can they talk or swallow food?”

“Well-“Deidara gets distracted by the others crooked collar and pendant. “Your collar, un, let me fix it-“With his free hand, the tall teenager smooths the collar and untwists the chain of Jashins’ necklace. While doing this, the frigidness of the others skin surprises him, and he rests his hand on his neck. Of course, because the hand mouths react to non-living substances, it opens up and _licks_.

“ _Holy shit I’m so sorry-_ “comes the embarrassed apology, and his hand is snatched back as though burned.

“Jashin-sama, where-“the zealot walks into the room and his eyes land on the scene before him.

The small gasp and lovely flush that has come upon Harry’s pale complexion doesn’t help the following situation.

“Who the fuck _do you think you are to touch Him like that?_ ” Hidan growls and slowly stalks into the room, purple eyes locked onto the blond teenager, murderous intent in every step as his KI began to leak.

‘ _How dare he touch Jashin-sama, he is below Him, how dare he desecrate His sacred flesh-_ ‘ Hidan leaked more and more Killing Intent as his thoughts raged.

Deidara gets the sense that this man in the doorway was super over-protective of the rather (‘ _extremely_ ’ the pyro thinks to himself, blush intensifying that much more) young… man? Woman? He couldn’t actually tell, their features and voice were rather androgynous.

“Hidan, hello.” Harry says pleasantly, a small smile on his face. With one hand, he indicated the blond whose hand he was still holding. “This is Deidara, the newest member of the Akatsuki, and I must admit I find him rather enjoyable.”

“Un?!”

‘…Enjoyable? _Jashin-sama_ enjoys _him? But he’s not a follower, he’s a heathen, a-‘_

“Jashin-sama, I don’t understand-“

“What’s all the commotion?” a new voice slides in, and they all look towards the doorway. In it was a teenager, about fourteen, with long black hair and black eyes that peered above stress lines far too prominent for any child to bear.

Harry stands up immediately, letting go of Deidara’s hand. However, it is not a sudden movement. It is slow, calculating, curious.

“You were watching me in the hallway earlier.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes. Why are you here?” he doesn’t hesitate, he knew lying would do nothing to answer his questions, and curiosity was something he hated to leave unfulfilled.

“I have… personal connections, so why wouldn’t I be here?” Harry smiles, thinking of Hidan, then Naruto. ”Why would someone as young as you be here?”

The boy stays silent.

“What’s your name?”

“Uchiha Itachi.”

Harry pondered the young teenager, then took a glace beyond him. There were shadows of the dead, hundreds strong. Many of them shared his features- there was a repeat of his eye shape and his nose and the angle of his jaw. On Itachis’ shoulders was the weight of the world, and it was almost as if the wizard was looking through a window to the past, to his fifth year, and everyone’s expectations watched him with judgmental eyes.

His magic reached out all its own, like a gentle embrace, and just like that his protective den grew to allow two more people. Harry’s cold hand rested upon Itachis’ head, and he leaned down to whisper “You’re brother is in safe hands.”

With that, the immortal exits the room to go explore the rest of the building. The shouts of confusion and the calls of his name were ignored- Harry was a man on a mission. Perhaps he’d run into that Orochimaru fellow, and they could have a nice long… _discussion_.

**XxXxXx Konoha xXxXxX**

Sasuke’s hand jerks and he drops his pencil during lecture, causing a great long mar to cross his normally pristine notes. He ducks down to grab it, thankful no one had seen the blunder. What had passed through him was something he hadn’t felt in months.

 _Protected_.

As the young Uchiha resurfaces and resumes his notetaking, he processes the feeling of eyes on him. Naruto tilts his head slightly, his attention having been caught by the feeling of Harry nii-chans energy in the room, and at first he thought that he was actually in the room and got excited. However, now that he was having a staring contest with Sasuke, he can sense more than see the energy settle about the other boys shoulders, and he smiles a gentle smile, a secretive smile.

Sasuke’s eyes widen and he understands. Uzumaki was also protected by this strange energy. He wasn’t alone any longer.

Sasuke smiles back.

“Naruto! Sasuke! Stop staring and pay attention!”

“Yes, sensei!” the say in unison, still smiling to themselves as they hurriedly copied down the notes that had just appeared on the board at the front of the room.

_‘Thank you, nii-chan!’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the shortest chapter so far, I’m so sorry, but I literally cannot think of a way to make it longer and have it feel organic. Thank y’all so much for reading and sticking with me, and please consider becoming my patron on Patreon! My Patreon is DeathGlobalZone, and any amount is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my story, I hope you enjoyed it! This is supposed to be kinda funny and stuff, and it's a bit of a side project (all my stories are), but please tell me what you think! I also have this on my ff.net account (https://www.fanfiction.net/~deathglobalzone), and I changed it slightly before posting it here. Thanks again! -Toto


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